TTC Cycle # 40. Medicated Cycle #2.
Have you ever thought of how disgusting a base line ultrasound is?
Going into the clinic this morning made me sick to my stomach. I felt so bad for the technician, and even warned her “you know it’s cycle day 3 so I’m still bleeding.”
It isn’t like she’s not used to it. She already knew. You could tell I’m a rookie in the IUI category.
Base line ultrasound went fine. I have a little bit of pain on my left ovary, but there wasnt anything there and the nurse said i was probably starting to make a follie.
So, here goes another cycle, another round of clomid, prednisone, and night sweats, another trigger shot in my tummy, another painful annoying expensive IUI, and another long, LONG, lonnnnnnnng two week wait.
On a side note, im getting this IUI a few days before my birthday.
Yesterday was 13 dpo.
I took a test and it was negative.
I prepared hubby by telling him he might want to just get used to me not being pregnant this month because my chances were so low.
He told me not to worry and that I have to be pregnant because everything was perfect… and everything was perfect. Sperm sample was perfect, follicles were just the right size, trigger shot made me ovulate… it just didn’t take. didn’t work.
So we went on with our day. Hubby went to work, and my two year old god-daughter, whos another story- went to visit my family. Everyone was asking how the treatments were going, how I was feeling, and prying the pregnancy symptoms I was purely imagining out of me, making me vulnerable and weak inside.
Then it started.
My period was full on in existence.
Is every ounce of hope I have left, that you exist right now inside me. I want you so bad it’s sickening, to the point that you have completely taken over my life. Every morning this week i’ve woken up and the single thought on my mind is you - but the answer to the test is always no. Why?
You are all I want. Your father and I are begging for you. Why cant we have you? Why does infertility have to constantly fill my life with pain? What can I do to fix this? Nothing!
I’ve read that the trigger shot (10,000iU of synthetic HCG) can last in the body for up to 10 days. Im 6dpo, 7dp the shot, and it is nearly out - which is exciting for me. I’ll be testing from 10dpo until AF arrives. 4 days seems so far away!
As I’ve said before, I’ll miss the fake positives the trigger shot gave me, but I think ill be happier when I get a real one!
“Life isn’t about trying to weather the storm, it’s about learning to dance in the rain…….”
So always remember to take an umbrella and look for the rainbow after the storm.
-taken from 999 reasons to laugh at infertility.